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 God Eluded Me, tag :: Dean Winchester
Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Apr 27, 2016 | 2:51 pm
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I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother and I found all three.
Mystic Falls…

That was where they had picked skinwalker Dean up, and that was more than likely where the real Dean still was.

Sam was doing everything in his power to not speed… too much. An officer of the law might forgive him for going 80 in a 70 zone, but he had a feeling that 125 mph would be pushing his luck just a little too much. While he knew that the Impala might be able to handle it, he didn’t know If his criminal record could. While he had faith in himself that he had erased their records clean, he didn’t know what might have been placed on it since he last checked. All it took was someone recognizing them on security footage, and they were back in the records, and sooner or later someone might just get wise to the fact that their list of punishable offenses were not as long as they should be in the computer. This was especially true since he was going back to a place where he had spent a considerable amount of time… And because, apparently, there was a skinwalker wearing Dean’s face who had a penchant for committing violent crimes and not cleaning up after himself.

15 hours from New Orleans to Mystic Falls. Every miles of it, Sam pressed his foot down hard. Every once and a while, he beat his hand against the steering wheel in aggravation, or gripped the wheel hard when traffic got especially heinous. Every beat and press reminded him of the shard of glass that Dean… not Dean… had sewn into his palm, the tool he was supposed to use against Lucifer and the visions. Sam had been grateful at the time, thinking that his brother was making a hard call when it came do such an action, and that he was looking out for his kid brother. He had even defended it to Katherine when she asked about why he smelled like a fresh wound and blood. It had worked for a while… until recently, when he saw Lucifer among the dancers and revelers at Marcel’s party. He had been there, wandering the crowd, appearing in the gaps between people, but his eyes had met Sam’s with purpose…

He gripped the wheel tight again, squeezing his flesh into the still jagged glass under his skin. It was an impulse now, a trained condition for when his mind turned to the Fallen Prince of Hell. It was usually the cue to turn his thoughts towards happier things, but… well, there really wasn’t much happy to think about. This might have been the moment of what Katherine’s eyes looked like when she smiled at him, the way that they danced when she laughed that way that seemed to be just for him, but… those thoughts came with their own pain now. The skinwalker had told him everything, About Klaus and the deal he made with Crowley. About how Crowley had captured Katherine in anticipation for making a deal with Klaus, to offer up the woman who he feels gave him his greatest slight, and how Klaus hadn’t even asked for Katherine as part of the deal. So he kept Katherine, and let her live in the Hell of her making… how the skinwalker had seen her himself before Crowley realized that he didn’t have the real Dean Winchester. How, no matter what Sam did, he and his loved ones were never going to escape the clutches of Hell.

That was when Sam forcibly removed the top of the walker’s head with his shotgun. No one looked in on him in the back alley as the body fell to the side, and Sam repeatedly beat the face in with the heel of his boot. Samuel Winchester was wrath incarnate as he destroyed the face of his brother in the gutters of New Orleans, his memory returning to his time in Hell, Katherine’s face replacing his own with every twist of agony. But no, he realized, it would be different for her, wouldn’t it? He remembered the stories she had told him, one of their late night confessions while she played with his hair, and he held her tight against the dangers of the world. She was a suicide. Things went very differently for them.

Hopeless. It was hopeless. He remembered the time when he promised her that he could keep her safe, and she had shushed him, telling him to not make promises he couldn’t keep. He had made the promise anyway, in the silence of his own heart, and he had failed her. Him and that skinwalker left her alone to chase what they hoped was a lead on Castiel. The angel had come to them, but Sam hadn’t seen him since, and Sam wondered if it was another trick. The last time he had seen her, he was kissing her goodbye, saying he would be back in a few hours, while she wrapped herself in a robe and prepared for a bath. Should he at least be happy that he got that? That their last moment together was spent smiling at each other and saying that they loved one another? Was that the best he could ever hope for in this world?

He wept in the alley as the skinwalker’s blood cooled on his boots, his tall limbs curling up under him as his knees failed him and he fell against the wall. Over a year of searching, and what? She was gone… And his brother hadn’t been his brother. He hadn’t actually accomplished anything. He hadn’t saved Katherine from the dark fate she always said she was destined for, and he had been an idiot to think that maybe he could be her white knight. His brother was still out there, somewhere, and Sam had no idea where to start looking, and he had been brash enough to kill the skinwalker before he had a chance to find out where he was being kept. He could only imagine it, now, Dean tied up somewhere, suffering and starving in a filthy cage in some hidden place, and Sam too late to find him. Sam couldn’t save anyone…

Somewhere, a siren screamed, and while Sam was not sure about whether or not they were coming for him, he knew it would be better to move than to stay here and get arrested. He turned to leave the alley in a rush, but paused, remembering something. He turned back and felt around in the pockets of the skinwalker’s pants, and came back with the set of keys. Tears still streaked with drying tears, Sam stopped long enough to swiftly kick the skinwalker’s corpse in the neck before he turned and ran. 15 minutes later, he had found the Impala, and was racing towards the city limits.

And now here he was. No sleep or food as he raced down the dark back roads of Mystic Falls, Virginia. His head cleared the moment he slid into the driver’s seat. There was still a chance he could help Dean. Skinwalkers usually didn’t venture far from their home. The Dean-walker had traveled because his love of wearing the Winchester mask outweighed his need to stay as close as he could to the host. The majority of their time, though, in the beginning was spent in or around Mystic Falls. The real Dean could not be far from there. He just needed to find and search through every secluded location in the area. He pressed the pedal down again. The speed limit said 25, but 30 wouldn’t kill anyone.

He had a plan now… He would start in the middle of town and work his way out. There was no pattern to where one skinwalker kept their “host” versus another, so it could be anywhere from a basement in the city to a warehouse outside of town to an abandoned mine. He needed to be meticulous, and careful, and-

Sam was slamming on the breaks before he fully rationalize when he was seeing in the middle of the road. All he knew was that, in the pitch of night, made even darker by the lack of moon and the coverage of thick trees, the figure in the road practically materialized out of the shadows. His hair, long and untamed and in desperate need of a comb, fluttered in front of his eyes from the sheer force of inertia, and it partially blinded him. His foot if the brake all the same, and he heard the tires lose purchase on the gravel in the road.

The tires screeched in the last moment, and while Sam couldn’t get a clear image thanks to his hair, there was the after image every time his eyes blinked of the frightened pedestrian in the middle of the abandoned road, who vanished under the edge of the hood as the Impala boldly struck him. Sam had no idea how fast he had been going, but he knew it had been a firm hit. Slowly, details started coming to him, of a man with a untamed beard, messy hair that needed to be cut more than his own, a rags for clothes. Sam couldn’t be sure, but the figure may have been barefoot. All the facts thrown together created a very particular image. “Oh my God…” he said out loud in his shock. “I killed Hobo Jesus!”

He threw open the door, and rushed out onto the road. He really wasn’t thinking about danger at the moment, just about the possibility that he had either killed a homeless vagabond or the Vessel for the Second Coming, and either way he had just committed vehicular homicide. Rushing forward, he turned the corner of the car, not expecting what to find what he got there, but preparing himself for a managed corpse, hoping for a few skinned knees.

notes: Reunited and it feels so good! Except for that car to the chest, I bet… sorry…
words: 1649 | tag: Dean Winchester


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Dean Winchester
 Posted: Jun 12, 2016 | 11:15 am
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The year had been spent in moments of quiet reclusion, not speaking for the fear of the truth coming to light. That another skinwalker had bested him and took over his life. He didn’t even know how many days he had spent here in this dungeon. Would be the only way to describe it, he had now become sensitive to the light. His hunger which had been aching his body had now been decimated to nothing. He was a former version of himself, the real one walking the streets using his name and doing god knows what. He couldn’t even imagine what he was doing, and if his brother knew the truth. He could only hope that Sam had kept his distance or if he hadnt that he would figure out that this wasn’t the brother that had saved him from a burning house all those years ago. The brother that had often took care of him, the brother that had become a father figure on more than one occasion and Dean didnt complain once about it, he knew that was what he had to do and he had made peace with it years ago. His brother was his world, his reason for carrying on and staying strong, he had to be. He didn’t know how not to be and that was what kept him going even now when he had felt wreak so many times and wanted to give up.





The skinwalker wearing his face had often commented on his ability to not die. That most would have just given up on life and why would he? He had just gotten out of Purgatory and he would be damned if he let another thing take him down. There had been many times in his years where dying would be the best option, the best alternative to his life. Then he had been thrown reminders of why staying alive was important. All the people he had helped, the many times he and Sam had saved countless others who were so blissfully unaware of their existence. So unaware that they carried on with their lives while he and several others bled for them, died for them. Perhaps it was better that way. So he would carry on, the wayward son who would never lay his head to rest, he had a lot more living to do and he wouldnt let a damn skinwalker take over his life. Not while this heart was still beating. The skinwalker had been spacing out his "visits" with Dean. Throwing food his way and feeding it to him. He would gut that thing so hard once he was free. Hard to attack someone when you were chained to a wall. Hands and feet. But what the asshat didn't know, was when he would step out Dean was slowly picking the locks on his binds. The day had finally come, the thing had been gone for the better part of a few days and it was time to blow this shitsicle stand. He climbed out and made a plan, get somewhere where he could contact his brother. The light burned his eyes, squinting trying to adjust he headed out onto the road where he saw a black blur. Then it was curtains folks. Goodnight.

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Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Jun 20, 2016 | 9:51 am
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I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother and I found all three.
So, it wasn’t a few skinned knees…

From where Sam was standing, there was some good news and some bad news. The good news was, this guy looked like being hit by a car was probably not the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Maybe he was some homeless mountain man who had wandered from the trail or something? But the bad news was that he definitely was not moving. Sam was having a hard time figuring out what was mud and dirt versus what was blood, if it was blood at all, and if it was fresh or old. He was either dead or unconscious, and part of Sam wanted to just get back into the Impala and drive away. Maybe a happy little lie that the hobo would be just fine would get him through the next few hours. He knew, though, his conscience would get the best of him.

“Hey…” he said, inching forward. His hand cautiously rested on his belt, but he couldn’t remember if he had left himself armed or not. The past week had not left him much alone time, let alone time to sleep, eat, or take care of himself. They were all blending into one, and he could not remember if his pistol or knife were on his belt or in the trunk. Still, his instinct had his hand reaching back to rest on where a weapon should be. His tone came out as a quick whisper, almost as if he was afraid there might be something in the woods to find them. And there might be, but the purring rumble of the idling engine drowned out a lot of the surrounding sounds. He would need to trust his eyes if he wanted to sense something coming, but right now, he needed to pay attention to the unconscious/dead/playing-possum guy on the ground. It’s like Schrödinger’s corpse, I swear…

“Hey… Buddy?” he tried. Not knowing a guy’s name had an effect on a relationship, but just shouting at the guy didn’t seem like it was going to help much as soon as the words left him. He wasn’t moving, Sam’s new hobo friend, and if Sam was going to help, he was going to need to turn the stranger over, and get a good look at him. Right now, all he saw was a dirt and/or blood smeared face, with long hair, and an unruly beard. Even then, it was mostly pressed away from him and into the road. Stranger or not, Sam at least needed to know if he could help, so when he got no reply, he lowered himself to one knee in front of the person/body. He placed a hand on the stranger’s shoulder. Still no reply, but Sam was certain he could hear (and smell… ugh…) breathing now that he was this close.

With even more slight pressure, Sam nudged the stranger over onto his back, just so that he could get a good look. His eyes darted over his features and body, looking for trauma. Unless there was something internal happening, the other man looked all right. After the initially glance, Sam opted to give it one more look, now that he knew that he wasn’t fatally wounded. As he eyes danced over the man’s face, Sam stopped. There was something about it… Something familiar that Sam had a hard time putting him finger on. It was almost that feeling of déjà vu, only he knew that he had never been here before. He narrowed his eyes at the man, now more convinced that there was something else going on here, instead of just a random vagabond in the forest. He leaned down closer (admittedly breathing through his mouth to avoid the smell) and looked at him… really looked at him.

Then he knew. Like the sun rising over the horizon… Sam narrowed his vision to exclude everything on the other man’s features except his closed eyes. He knew that face. He knew it. He had known it for close to three decades, and was almost mad at himself for not seeing it before. He forgave himself a little when he reminded himself that the guy was practically wearing a reversed domino mask with all the first and the hair that covered his face. The guilt, though, rushed back in tenfold he the weight of who he had hit with the Impala rushed back in. But he was breathing… he was breathing… his brother was breathing!

”Dean!” he practically shouted, a stark difference from the cautious whispers he had been using only moments before. He called his brother by his name, and was touching him on the shoulders. He gave him a shake, elated to see the brother he thought he had lost to Purgatory, gained again, only to the lose once more. “Shit… Dean…” he said, feeling the emotions well up. ”Dean… I am so sorry… I am… so so sorry…”

notes: Wake up!
words: 826 | tag: Dean Winchester

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Dean Winchester
 Posted: Jun 28, 2016 | 8:28 pm
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As the darkness overcame him,he spent his moments before the light came back into him reflecting on his life.There had been so many losses,dissapointments, injuries and pain. Some physical which healed, some scars which would never. The guilt he had always carried with him remained steadfast and sure. It would never abandon him no matter what happiness came his way. There was one undeniable fact however, his life though it had it tragedies did have its moments. There was family,love, and purpose in it and that to him was the things that made up a well lived life. He didn't regret any of the choices he made believing that even though some were not admirable that they served a greater purpose at the cost of his pride or his image. Small price to pay to keep those he loved safe.

There were those however that he hadn't managed to keep safe, Ellen, Jo. their deaths that tore him apart gave him and Sam another day on this earth. A debt he would never be able to repay. Bobby, a real father someone that taught him everything he needed to be a good man. That family didn't end with blood though he had tried to argue the fact several times. Then the memories would hit. Who would pick them up from school? Teach them how to drive? Fix cars? It sure as hell wasn't John. Now to their dad, whos purpose in seeking revenge cost him his life. He traded it for Dean which he would never forget but the one thing he couldn't forgive after all of these years was that Dean had become the father that Sam needed. Because he had no choice, he gave up his childhood and he would never complain about it. There were just some things he wished he had done growing up. He wished he had been able to do more for his brother. Give him the life he deserved and now what was he doing? Laying passed out on pavement thinking about what could have been? What good was that going to do?

A voice was then heard and brought him back, starting off with a whisper then as if the angels themselves swooped their angelic asses down he heard the sound of his baby brothers voice echoing louder. Then he was shaken awake, his eyes trying to open but the light blinding him. His breaths that were shallow had strengthend a little as if the sound of Sam's voice were a jolt of strength if only for a moment. He groaned and said very quietly. "Ow... His eyes started to peer open slightly more."That hurt..Sammy you smell terrible". Completely unaware that the awful stench was coming from his own body. The time he had spent away made Dean look like a shell of himself, not the pretty boy who had won the hearts of several women. He continued to lay on the ground unable to move when he wanted nothing more than to run to his brother and hug him.

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Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Jul 11, 2016 | 12:23 pm
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I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother and I found all three.
When Dean started to talk from the dirty pavement, Sam was caught between a laugh and a cry. Their father had always raised them to be a family that didn’t weep, but Sam always had a more difficult time following that particular lesson. He could feel the tears start to build in the corner of his eyes, but he did not let them fall. Something in him couldn’t let them. He wanted to. He was tired, and his emotions were running so raw in the aftermath of losing Katherine and discovering the truth about the skinwalker. Still, letting the relief and joy take hold came with a warning. He had been fooled once into believing that his brother had returned, and it had, in the end, led to the ultimate pain of losing his brother all over again. He lost Katherine because he had clouded by hope. What if it happened again?

Still, he could not help but smile at the remark from his big brother. He knew damn well that only one of the two of them smelled like old cheese, and it was probably the one of them that looked like he was clearly trying to emulate Grizzly Adams. He was almost afraid to touch him, since it almost looked like the only thing keeping Dean physically together was the dirt. If this was some kind of game that someone was playing on him, it was a convincing one. It couldn’t be possession. There was no way that Dean would let a demon enter his body. They needed permission… Unless Dean was stupid enough to make a deal to get him out of Purgatory… if he had even been in Purgatory to begin with. And there was still the missing angel on Dean’s shoulder to count for. Was Castiel still missing? How much of everything for the past two years had been a lie?

He felt guilty for thinking these things, especially since this could very well be the real Dean that he had just hit with his own car. “Sure, Dean. I ate nothing but a steady of rancid onions and curdled milk just for this occasion.” Dean really did smell like a dead thing, which was ironic since he was actually only about one step removed from being road kill. Sam stood up to get a good look around. So far, no cars had come by. Good. It would be hard to explain this to a random motorist, but their luck might not hold up. He needed to get Dean up and out of the road.

The abandoned stretch of road through the woods meant that they had some time, but not much. One more look in both directions, and Sam bent down to pick his brother up. If Dean was injured, then moving him was their only option, even if it was serious. They could not go to the hospital, and he could not help Dean out here. If there was something serious, then they would just have to deal with it then. Sam had no idea where he was going to take Dean, but he would work on that after he got Dean into the car. “Seriously, though, Dean, that smell is you. Please try hard not to breath on me…” Sam turned his head away and did his best to breathe through his mouth as he scooped up his brother so that they were shoulder to shoulder. Hopefully, Dean had at least some strength to use his legs and get off the damn road.

He needed to put Dean in the back. There might be some protest, especially because Dean had been separated from his baby for a number of years now, but he would just have to give up command of the Impala for a little while longer. He shut the door, took over the driver’s seat, and they were off. Already, Sam was trying to remember if there were any places nearby that could take them. It would need to be a motel, the kind with mirrors on the ceiling, the kind that took cash and didn’t ask any questions. He had been in this area before. They had to be just outside of that town, Mystic Falls… the one that Katherine had been so fond of. “Dean?” he said, turning his thoughts away from his lost love. There was no time to go down that dark alley. “Are you still with me?”

notes: Really, though, you stink...
words: 742| tag: Dean Winchester

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Dean Winchester
 Posted: Jul 20, 2016 | 9:38 pm
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It seemed that during Dean's life he had become a master of navigating the threads of fate, that no matter what was thrown his way that he adapted. That he made sure that whenever he did something he gave it his all, he gave everyone involved the best possible chance to take charge of their own strings. No one would dictate his fate but him and the choices he made. His grip on his own steadfast and firm despite the circumstances that came his way as of late. He had one life and he wasn't going to squander it. He got up when he should have been sleeping, he carried on. Forever the Wayward son moving forward. He wouldn't take a seat this round, nothing would get the better of him like this again. Lesson learned Winchester.

He could feel his brothers touch on his body, strong and firm. Good thing he ate his Wheaties that one, nothing would have gotten the jump on his baby brother he was sure of that. He wouldn't have spent even a week in that place never mind over a year. Sam would have outsmarted the thing and ganked it before he even knew what hit him. Yet Dean was chained, hands and feet. Sammy would have figured something out. He was always the better hunter, the smart one who made good choices and wasn't irrational like his older brother. Who did what needed to be done no matter the cost. Sam did things that surprised even Dean from time to time. His brother had been his true north and he would follow that man through anything.

He chuckled momentarily before coughing at his comment about the onions and curdled milk. He couldn't even imagine what he looked like and even worse smelt like. He was sure that he wouldn't like what he saw, he made a mental note to have a shower, haircut and a shave at the first opportunity available but right now he needed only one thing. To get the hell out of here. It seemed that his wish was granted when Sam threw him into the back of his beloved car who had seen him through everything imaginable and survived. The two brothers often rebuilding her, afraid to let the last semblance of their father become a rusted pile, nothing but a memory.

His eyes hurt from the light, he closed them and took everything in while he lay in the back seat, the scent of the interior. The sound of firing up, music to his ears. The tires spinning on the pavement, taking him away from here. He would burn the whole damn place down if he had the opportunity but right now he just wanted to become himself again. It seemed that everytime he left his brother, a small piece of him was left behind and he wasn't sure how many more he had left to give. But he would carry on, he had to. Staring up at the ceiling of the Impala, he took in the details of her. The intricate stitching, the material. So beautiful and something so overlooked by others. This car was really something. There had been so many things that made his baby amazing. Looking around some more at her interior, his brothers voice awoke him from his thoughts. "Yeah Sammy.. I'm here.. broken but here" He wondered what went on with his brother during his ansence, had he found Katherine? How did he know about the skinwalker? Did Cas come back? So much he had missed he wanted to weep but couldn't do that. Sammy didn't need to see that.

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Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Jul 26, 2016 | 12:07 pm
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I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother and I found all three.
Hearing the word “broken” come out of Dean made a part of Sam’s soul ache. The fact that Dean even admitted that he felt like he was “broken” was enough to rattle Sam. Dean was always the tough one, the stronger one of the two of them. When it came right down to it, if Dean couldn’t do it, then Sam truly doubted that anyone else could. It could be argued that Sam looked up to Dean through the mind of being a little brother, but it wasn’t that at all. Dean had proved to be a hero, Sam’s hero, dozens of times over, since before Sam was even old enough to have a memory of it. He had seen Dean step up to every challenge presented to him. He had seen him falter, but never fall. So to see Dean like this, to Sam, was almost unnatural. And he couldn’t live with it much longer.

They needed a place to go. The only safe haven that Sam could guarantee was going to not end up with them followed or hurt was Bobby’s salvage yard, but that had to be a 20 hour drive from where they were, at that was if they drove through non-stop. Dean needed help before that. It was hard to see through the mistreatments, but Dean could be seriously injured. He was definitely dehydrated, and more than likely famished. He needed new clothes, and a shower. All jokes aside about the smell, being out in the wilderness for that long could lead to a number of other issues. He could be infected, inside and out. The weakness of not being fed could lead to a number of other risks. Dean didn’t have time to spend the whole day in a car. He needed help now.

There was a hotel nearby that Sam remembered. It wasn’t best but he knew it was safe, even if it took Sam a moment to remember how he knew that. When it hit him, it came hard and quick. It was the same place where they had hunkered down at they had busted Dean out of prison. They… him and Katherine. He looked down at the space between his hands on the steering wheel, for a moment his eyes were far away. Two years… two years ago, he was happy. He pressed his teeth together and ground, gripping the wheel tightly. He had long since stopped screaming out when he pressed the glass that had been sewn into his skin. The pain was still there, though, even if Sam didn’t think it was working well enough anymore. He had seen Him… Saw Lucifer at that party in New Orleans, just walking through the spaces between members of the crowd.

Katherine, and Dean, and the Devil. They haunted him, and the pain was not enough to chase the ghosts away. It reminded him that he was human, still. That was something at least.

This silence was going to kill them: Sam with madness, Dean with negligence. “You’ve got to stay awake, Dean. Come on,” Sam said, making sure that his tone did not come out as lost as he felt. It didn’t sound too confident in his ears, but maybe it was enough to trick his brother. “Talk to me… tell me about the last time you saw me?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as a question, but the truth was he was too afraid to know the answer. Did Dean remember Katherine at all? Had he been the one to sew the glass into Sam’s flesh? When they left that night, leaving Kat alone, had that been a genuine attempt to bond with his brother, or had Sam been tricked by an “evil” Dean that wanted Katherine to be kidnapped? Sam needed this. It was selfish, but he didn’t know how to move on without answers.

notes: Cue the heartache
words: 650| tag: Dean Winchester

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Dean Winchester
 Posted: Jul 31, 2016 | 7:38 pm
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He grimaced when he realized that he had used the wrong words around Sammy when he stated that he was broken, but he couldn't help it. He felt broken. He was sure he had at least a few broken ribs, probably the flu, dehydration, sensitivity to light, and that was calling it a light case. He had no idea what else had gone south with him. He knew what he wanted more than anything, a hot shower and something to eat. Then Sam could pump him full of meds if he had to. He had been broken down so many times over the years that when life did throw something rough he way he adapted. He had to if he was going to keep running in this life. Like his beloved car he would rebuild and keep moving on. He could hear the timing belt starting to go on the car but it had a few thousand K on lit left before he would need to change it. Knowing Sammy he knew the same thing so there wasn't much point in mentioning it. He taught him best he could how to take care of the car.

The motion of the car was relaxing, he was safe now with Sammy. He started to close his eyes to rest when he heard Sam's voice bring him out of it begging him to stay awake and stay with him. He wasn't going anywhere,after everything with Katherine he wasn't going to leave his brother again. He could tell that Sam was worried and e had every right to be, even if he wasn't trying to show it. He then asked about the last time he saw him. I'm ok Sammy don't worry, just need a burger or something..the last time I saw you we decided to split up I went to New Orleans and you know what Kat was right Klaus is a douche" He then groaned as he sat up.

"I can tell you one thing about him though, I bothered him and if I can freak out a thousand year old hybrid...he's protecting someone and he didn't want me close" He knew the game that Klaus had been playing, he was just too much in a headspace of showing up the Original that he didn't get to the main objective. He failed Sam, he failed Katherine."I'm sorry Sammy..she's not there he had no idea where she was.. he pretended like he didn't care but he gives himself away more than he thinks he does" He sank back into the seat. Something else had been going on in the city and he knew it, unfortunately Katherine wasn't a part of it. He missed the sassy vampire keeping him in line. His eyes felt heavy, he started to drift off a bit, his breath getting heavier every minute. He shook his head, he had to be strong for hi baby brother. It was his job to make sure that he didn't look weak. His job was far from over.

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Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Oct 26, 2016 | 10:59 am
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I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother and I found all three.
Dean’s mention of Katherine caught Sam’s breath. He didn’t know. As far as Dean was concerned, Katherine was still missing. In a way she still was… at least, she was lost. And she would be, forever now. New Orleans was a town that had revealed a lot about everything… It had told him where Dean was, and it had told him that Katherine was gone. No matter how hard he tried, she was…. She was…

He would need to say it out loud. Sam didn’t realize until that moment that he hadn’t yet, to anyone. There had been no one close enough to him to know that Katherine was absent from Sam’s side. And to Dean, Kat had become more than just someone that Sam was dating… She had become like a member of their family. That thought made Sam feel heavy. It kept happening. They kept losing people, even each other. The difference between them and everyone else was that the world kept wanting the Winchester brothers back in the saddle. Maybe they hadn’t suffered enough.

“Katherine’s gone, Dean…” he said, so low and quiet that he almost didn’t hear himself over the roar of the Impala. He only hoped that Dean had heard him, because he didn’t think he could say it again. Not this second. He couldn’t even explain more without feeling the tears threatening to come again. His throat was tight. Those three words have been a struggle to choke out. He lost focus on the road for a moment as his vision became watery. He blinked them away in a few moments. He knew how this went. He was grieving… He didn’t know when or if it would ever stop hurting, Katherine was going to be a pain that stayed with him for a long time…

He drove in silence for a moment while he tried to think and plan around the images of her face rolling through his mind. They needed to find somewhere to get medical supplies… that made him think of when they had broken Dean out of jail and taking care of him together…. He needed to feed his brother, something quick and easy…. Which reminded him of when him and Katherine went on their burger date, forgetting for a moment that they were part of some greater supernatural world, and just two people being happy with each other… Dean needed a bed… And Sam remembered what it was like to fall asleep next to her. He pushed forward. There was not time for this. Dean needed him to keep his head.

He cleared his throat to chase away the frog sitting deep in it. ”We’re in Mystic Falls… The promise of us finding a good burger place where you won’t turn heads isn’t going to happen. We’ll do better in Richmond. It’s not too far and we can get everything we need…” In a city, they would just be another pair of nameless oddities. He could get to a pharmacy and get what they needed. Food, too. Drive thru or sit down?” he asked, thinking he already knew the answer but needing the conversation to turn to something more familiar. He could talk about Dean apologizing later, but right now he just needed to get back to rights.

notes: …
words: 548 | tag: Dean Winchester


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Dean Winchester
 Posted: Feb 26, 2017 | 2:42 pm
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He laid back in the seat, comforted that he was once with his brother.Who had now been looking after him in a turn of events. One he never thought he would be grateful for, it wasn't his job yet he was doing so without question.It was just how the Winchester brothers operated. They didnt know how to not take care of one another, their love for each other was something that no one could take away from them no matter what life brought their way,they had experience endless loss, and it seems they were going to again when Sammy said that Katherine was gone.

He struggled to sit up, and leaned forward clutching his ribs clapping his brother on the shoulder."I'm sorry Sammy..really man..I".He should have stopped all this, he should have done more. He should have kept more of a damn eye on her. He punched the side of the cars window in a bout of frustration. He knew that what had happened happened and there was nothing he could have done. He just wish he had done more so he could have spared his brother more pain than he had already suffered in his life.

"I know it's easier said than done man, but it's not your fault..".It was too painful to sit up so he leaned back into the back seat and took in a deep breath, his baby brother changing the subject to food, at which Dean's stomach was starting to growl in response.They were in Mystic Falls eh? That meant they could call Elena if they needed to but the last face he needed to see in this town was her for Sammys sake.It would cause him more pain than he needed right now. The thing about the brothers was that the guilt they carried never left them, no matter what anyone said or did, and while Dean's response to her being gone could have been more graceful, he knew that the few words he said would have been good enough for his brother right now.At least until he got into a shower and could hug Sammy proper.

As they continued along, he made jokes about getting food in a place where he wouldn't turn heads."That isn't possible Sammy when you are as beautiful as I am, mustve skipped a gene in the family".But he knew what Sam was doing so he would play along."Drive thru then toss me in the damn falls so i can get cleaned up.." He knew he smelled bad, he just needed a change of clothes and a haircut and shave. The latter two he could do himself."You could always get a haircut while I'm doing that.. I'm waiting for the line where you pitch Loreal shampoo..wait don't cut your hair we could use the scratch"He chuckled lightly even though it hurt, he needed the comfort of the familiar and for them that was joking and making fun of one another. It was memories of his brother that kept him going in there, when he felt hopeless and felt like giving up he knew he had someone looking for him.It was the only thing he had going.

Samuel Winchester

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Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Jun 5, 2017 | 11:14 am
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sam
God Eluded Me
Sam did his best to relax. He kept looking in the rearview mirror, catching the reflection of his brother as the street lights passed by. There were moments, when the cab of the car was completely dark, where it looked like there was no one back there, but then the lights would rush by overhead, and there he was: Dean. In the flesh, seemingly crawled up from the Pits of Hell. A terrible thought rushed through his mind: Maybe, he was only allowed to have one of them: Katherine or Dean. The thought sent a nail of pain through his heart, and he had to look away from his brother for a moment. Already, Dean was trying to tell him it wasn’t his fault, but Sam didn’t believe him. He had been the one to leave Kat by herself, while trying to spend “quality time” with a creature that ended up not being his brother anyway. He felt like he was quitting on her. Sam knew, though, that he would probably always be looking for her in crowds and restaurants…

He focused on the now, already replying to Dean’s words. Second nature. “No way, You are getting washed up first,” he said, already trying to recall rest stops in the area. Dean was wounded and sick, and they would not be able to stay somewhere long, so a hotel wasn’t worth it. He turned the care onto the main road, leaving the dirt one behind them. “I don’t want some poor fast food attendant calling Animal Control on us because he thinks I have some rapid mongrel in the back of my car.” It was a joke… mostly… In all honestly, people might think that Sam had taken in some homeless man out of the kindness of his heart with how Dean looking, and that broke his heart a little. No, he made the choice for him. Get him cleaned up, judge the extent of his injuries, and go from there.

They passed a sign telling them that they were leaving Mystic Falls, and another icy pain, like a crack in an iceberg, lanced through him. He would be back, he told himself, and meant it. For now, though, the highway loomed ahead of them, and Sam took the first on ramp. There was no highway culture in this quaint little town. It was another 30 miles before he found a rest stop. It was a good thing that rural Virginia tended to be an abandoned place in the middle of the night, because they were going to need all the privacy they could get.

He eased the car into park, letting the manual transmission slide to a rest, keeping the car as smooth as possible to avoid jostling Dean too much. He had come to know the Impala intimately over the course of the past year, more so than he did when he would only occasionally drive it (at Dean’s insistence.) Dean would probably be furious when he found out the Sam had purchased a FM radio adapter for his phone, so that he could listen to music over the Impala’s radio, but that was Tomorrow Sam’s problem.

He was out of the car and opening up the door to the backseat quickly. He knew if he didn’t move with intent, Dean was probably going to try to do everything himself. That was not how this was going down. Sam already had a hand out to Dean when his brother looked out the car to him, and, despite the jokes from earlier, Sam’s face told Dean that this was Serious Sammy Time.

[-] words: 603 {-} tag: Dean Winchester [-]
[-] notes: get up! [-]
THANKS PANDEMIC!


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Dean Winchester
 Posted: Jul 8, 2017 | 2:46 pm
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T
here wasn't much he could say in the way of comforting words right now, knowing that Sam wasn't ok and wouldn't be for a while.He wanted Dean to get cleaned up and he wanted the same thing, he had smelt things creatures in the night and in the day that smelled way better than him and the fact that Sam wouldn't be quiet about it meant that he wanted to keep the subject on that so he wouldn't be thinking about what he lost and for now, he would oblidge his little brother that even though he towered over him, was still his baby brother.

He wished that there was a way to make things different, that he could go back and fix everything for Sam and he had tried in the past but they always seemed to end up with a different result that resulted in one of them getting hurt. That being said, he would do it all over again if it meant he could get Katherine back for Sam.

Instead he did what he could do right now in the current state of things, and that was keep the focus on him for Sam's sake.They pulled up to the rest stop outside of the brush off the highway.His brother offering his hand to him to which he outstretched his grabbing Sam's, groaning on the way up."Remind me to not ever go that long without a shower again, there's dead bodies that smell better than me"

Samuel Winchester

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Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Jul 12, 2017 | 12:57 pm
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sam
Weeds & Wounds
“In our line of work, no promises.” Sam lifted his brother with a heft of wind from his lungs. He wasn’t going to carry him the whole way to the rest stop, but he was going to linger close to him so that Dean had something to lean on. Dean was always independent about things like that. And if Dean ended up falling, Sam would be there to help him back up without a question or comment. He tried to walk as casually as possible, hands in his pockets, and slowing down his speed to make it look more like he was just strolling along, and not slowing his long strides down so that he could keep back with Dean.

The bathroom was one that offered little to no privacy. The door squeaked as they went in, a loud sound that pierced the air. It looked like it was in need of service, and the florescent blue light did nothing to make the place look any better. A place like this probably cleaned once a week or maybe even less. Little places like this did not warrant the cost of upkeep. Hopefully, that meant that they would be left alone while they were here, but if Winchester luck had anything to say about it, it probably wouldn’t be that way for long. With their luck, a bus trip full of nuns would come blazing through the rest stop, at the exact same moment that every one of those nuns got possessed by a demon with a personal vendetta against them.

So far, though, it was quiet. The only sound of the filthy bathroom was the hum of the lights, and the clicking of some poor moth who had gotten caught in the bathroom, with only the light bulbs to seduce it. The sound of the poor critter knocking its head against the bulb repeatedly was rhythmic, but still somehow disjointed. Sam tried to fill the silence as he helped Dean over to the sink. He gave his brother a moment, because he spoke. “Fill me in, Dean? Where have you been? You and Cas… you disappeared. Don’t tell me you were with the skinwalker this whole time?”

[-] words: 367{-} tag: Dean Winchester [-]
[-] notes: Could be worse…? ? [-]
THANKS PANDEMIC!

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Dean Winchester
 Posted: Aug 27, 2017 | 10:11 am
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Now if anyone wanted to go ahead and say that the situation sucked, they wouldn't be too far off. With a dash of luck, he was able to get free and crash..literally into the Impala. Oh how his baby,and of course his brother always came through for him.He managed to get them to a rest stop where with any hope Dean could have a shower and get cleaned up a little, anything better than the sore excuse for a look alike walking around like him. The least the guy could do was keep up appearances but of course, he couldn't pull off exactly who Dean was and it got him found out, he just hoped that when Sammy did find the thing he ganked it good for his brother.

He turned on the tap and threw a splash of warm water on his face, something that he had taken for granted. Spending so long in that place without clean water, or even warm water was something to be cherished now. He did it once more, and listened as Sam asked him questions."I don't know where Cas is man, he stayed behind maybe he got out i don't know, last thing i knew i was in New Orleans then i wound up being some bitch for a skinwalker,this was an old one.. that much was for sure."

Of course Dean got down to business to try and hide the fact that he felt like crap. Even worse than crap..whatever was worse than that it was this gross looking guy right here.Sam then said he was stuck with the skinwalker the whole time,"Yup, sorry to disappoint you but when it keeps you drugged you don't have much idea of what's happening to you..the thing caught me off guard.. at least tell me you killed the thing"

Samuel Winchester

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Samuel Winchester
 Posted: Sep 22, 2017 | 5:08 pm
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Sam did his best to not watch every move that Dean made. His instincts wanted to react to every strain that he saw on his brother's face. So, he stuck his hands in his pockets and forced himself to just be still. Unless Dean specifically asked for something, then he would just stay where he was, leaning against the wall, listening to the sound of the faucet and the flickering florescent bulbs.

He did not, however, hold back in his features when the skinwalker came up again. He hated that thing. He could not believe how screwed up he was in the head because of it. He could not put down the memory... Even if he knew it was a skinwalker, and impostor, Sam could not forget the image of him taking the life of a creature that refused to discard its disguise. It still claimed a victory that night... it still claimed the victory of forcing Sam to see pain, suffering, and death on his brother's face. “Yeah... you're damn right I killed it...” His tone was cool... distant.. far away...

But then he snapped back to the present. The skinwalker was in the past, but... “Wait, you said New Orleans?” To be honest, Sam had assumed, once he found out there was a fraud in his brother's space, that everything had been a lie. But New Orleans had not been the entire time that Dean had been back. One year, certainly, and that was a long time to be tortured, but... ”Katherine. You... remember her?” He had been sure anymore, with the way his mind loved to play with him, if Katherine had even been real... how much of the last few years of his life were... real.

god eluded me
 
tag: Dean Winchester / word count: 310 / notes: that might be a fun scene? We never truly played out skinwalker Dean's death
 

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